I've Learned To Count On You
by livesruinedbloodshedepic
Summary: Post movie (about 18 months). The thought had of being parents had never been a priority, at least not until it happened and then was all to abruptly taken away. Logan and Veronica's baby dies and as their lives spiral out of control, they realize some things just don't add up. So, what really happened? (I own nothing but my words)
1. Chapter 1

**This all starts our pretty sad, I'm sorry, I promise it will get happier just bear with me. Also, huge thanks to my amazing beta Anna!**

* * *

The last thing she remembered was pain and blood. Oh, there was so much blood. Should there be that much? No. Something was terribly wrong.

* * *

Her eyes opened, bright light nearly blinding her. She allowed her eyes to adjust before she looked around, trying to figure out where she was.

She was definitely in the hospital, the pale blue of the room and the bed gave it away.

Logan was in the chair just a few feet away, his eyes closed. She could see how exhausted he looked; he had dark circles under his eyes and was sporting what seemed to be a five o'clock shadow. It made her wonder how long she'd been here.

Or why she was even here.

She moved her hand over her stomach, expecting to feel a hard bump. Her fingers no longer touched the growth that had been there for the last few months, instead their touch over her stomach made her wince.

What?

"Logan?" she whispered, stealing a glance in his direction.

Before another word left her mouth, he was there, holding her hand, the one that no longer felt the growing bump.

She looked into his dark eyes as they tried to avoid hers and saw a world of pain. She knew something was wrong the minute he couldn't hold her gaze.

* * *

It all felt like a dream.

"Logan, where's our baby?" she asked, panicking. She'd never been one to panic so easily, but this was different.

"Ver-"

"No, don't sugar coat it Logan. What happened?!" she demanded, "Why isn't my baby - our baby! - inside of me?"

Tears were welling up in both her and Logan's eyes as he took a deep breath.

"What's the last thing you remember?"

Veronica thought back a few minutes, trying to unscramble the various moments racing through her head.

Her heart sank the second she remembered and she whispered, "Blood. And pain. I was at the house and then the rest is a blur." she took another moment to concentrate on her memories, "Then I heard your voice. You were calling my name. That's it."

Pressing his forehead against her hand, a tear slipped down Logan's cheek.

"I found you," he whispered, his voice shaking uncontrollably, "I went to the store because you told me we needed more newborn diapers. You were going through the whole 'end of the pregnancy nesting' phase and wanted everything to be perfect when we brought the baby home."

He swallowed hard, gripping Veronica's hand like it was the only thing from keeping an anchor from pulling him under.

"When I got back home, I called your name and you didn't answer. I called it again and again and again until I saw you...just lying there."

"There was blood everywhere and my whole world stopped. I don't even remember calling 9-1-1, I know I did but it seemed like they just showed up. Like they knew my family was in trouble."

Tears flowed rapidly down Logan's face, the terror of nearly losing her in his eyes.

"The doctor immediately took you into surgery. He said you had a medical condition and that they needed to get the baby out as quickly as possible. The rest was a blur until I heard the scream. The most amazing scream I've ever heard in my whole life. The nurse was holding her and she-"

"Wait, she?!" Veronica cried in surprise. She'd never pictured herself raising a little girl, that is until the moment she heard she and Logan had a little girl.

"Yeah," Logan whispered softly, "She cried so loudly, I was sure she was fine. She was perfect. How could our daughter not be?"

"You were sure she was fine?" Veronica asked, trying to hide her fear. Not that she didn't love Logan Echolls, one of the toughest men she knew, gushing over the baby they made, but she needed to know what was happening to her daughter.

"I don't know," He continued, "One minute she was fine and crying and perfect and the next they were rushing her out of there so fast I didn't know what hit me."

Veronica felt her heart shatter into an infinite amount of pieces as Logan's head dropped. He let out a sob, squeezing her hand even tighter.

"What seemed like an eternity later they were telling me she was gone."

Logan watched Veronica closely, searching for a reaction.

She couldn't move or say anything. Her whole world, what she and Logan had been preparing for the past 9 months, was gone. It had completely fallen out from under her.

Silent tears flowed down her face as she reached for Logan, allowing him to pull her into his arms. The monsoon of tears rolled onto his shirt as she sobbed, whispering over and over again, "I want my baby."


	2. Chapter 2

**With school and everything, chapters generally won't be updated this quickly but I had this already written and ready to post, I just wanted to see the reaction to the first chapter before I continued this! Thank you so much for all the favorites and follows! I'll keep updating as much as possible! Again, thanks to my amazing beta, Anna!**

**Also, please review! Comments, questions, and criticism are always welcome!**

* * *

If it had been a girl, they were going to name her Emma. Mostly because neither of them had any enemies with the name, but also because Emma Echolls had a good ring to it.

If everything had gone the right way, she should've been born today; at least that was the due date the doctor had determined. Veronica didn't know if she believed the accuracy in that, though. How could one simple doctor with a god complex determine the exact second she got knocked up and calculate it to the exact date this kid would make her grand entrance into the world? Veronica thought it was probably a load of crap.

But it still didn't stop her from wondering what might have been. Would she and Logan be at the hospital? Would she be yelling at him, letting him know each passing contraction was all his fault? He definitely would've been there, no matter her attitude, holding her hand and letting her know that she was the most special person in his life. He always made her feel that way; like she mattered more than anyone.

Truth be told, she hadn't seen Logan in 5 days.

* * *

After she had been released from the hospital, she walked into his house - well, their house now - and felt the most pain she had felt since she heard Logan say their baby was gone. She tried to stick it out in the house for a solid hour, each passing second reminding her that she and Logan would never read their daughter to sleep on that couch, watch her play in the sand on that beach, or curl up in between them in their bed. It was all too much and she fled, something she was good at, something she could control.

When Logan tried to follow her, she told him she needed time. She needed space.

Reluctantly, he let her go.

* * *

"Heeey," Dick called, tossing his bag aside, "Where's Ronnie? Did I miss the munchkin make his – or her, I guess - grand entrance?"

Dick hadn't been around in a month or so. He had traveled down to Mexico, saying he needed to party himself out before he became Uncle Dick; that's why he was surprised when he found Logan staring out the window, his face unshaven and eyes bloodshot with pain and anger and more than anything, sadness.

Logan felt his friend sit down next to him. He didn't budge or say a word, he just continued to stare outside.

"Man, what happened?" Dick finally asked, breaking the silence.

Logan continued to sit in silence. He couldn't say anything. He felt like speaking would kill him.

Everything in his life had been taken away in an instant. The idea of being a father had never been something he wanted, at least not until he was facing it head on.

_**7 months earlier**_

He sat impatiently, tapping his finger against the arm rest of the uncomfortable waiting room chair. The room didn't feel welcoming, or at least not at that moment in time. Maybe it was just his nerves.

He tried to blocked out everything else in the room; he no longer stared at the pictures of babies plastered all over the walls or the mothers trying to quiet their rambunctious toddlers. Instead, he lost himself in his thoughts, more accurately, his questions. Would he be like his dad? Did he even know what it meant to be a parent? It's not like he had any shining examples. How would Keith Mars react when he found out the kid he never approved up got his little girl pregnant? He knew how he would react. _Oh, god_. That could be him someday.

"Mr. Echolls? Mr. Echolls, we're ready for you to come in," the doctor said, interrupting his thoughts.

Logan slowly rose from his seat, following Veronica's obstetrician into the exam room.

Veronica lay on the table, looking just as nervous as he was. Logan grabbed her hand, reassuring her that it would all be okay. He knew it would be, at least part of him did.

"Okay, this is going to be a little cold," the doctor said, squirting what seemed like a gallon of transmission gel onto Veronica's abdomen. She then pressed the ultrasound doppler roughly against her stomach.

The doctor was searching. For what? Who honestly knew. Logan knew she was looking for a baby, but as far as he could tell, there was nothing there at all.

She stopped looking and pointed at the screen. Neither Logan or Veronica saw anything, not that there was much to see.

"This, is your baby," she said, motioning to a small speck on the screen.

There was definitely something growing in Veronica, but the kid couldn't be bigger than a blueberry.

In this particular moment, Logan couldn't focus on the blueberry. The quick thump, thump, thump coming from the monitor had taken his full attention.

The doctor quickly noticed what had caught his attention and smiled, "Your baby has a very strong heartbeat," she assured the both of them.

_A heartbeat._ Both of their world's stopped. The tiny little thing inhabiting Veronica's womb had a heartbeat.

Before he realized it, all of his nerves were gone. All of his unanswered questions had been answered, and everything was okay. Logan and the girl he loved more than anything had created something - something that's heart beat, thump by thump.

* * *

Logan was shoved back into reality when he felt Dick move from the couch. He could tell his friend was concerned, but he still felt like saying anything would make it all real. If he said the words, he would be pulled under.

"I heard her cry," he choked out, just as Dick was walking out the door.

"What?" Dick asked, rushing back to his best friend's side.

"My daughter. I heard her, I heard her cry." The cry now echoed in his head, just like it did every time he closed his eyes, growing weaker and more terrified by each scream. It felt like a cry for help.

"Wait, dude, she's here? I'm an uncle! And she's a she?"

Logan took a deep breath and swallowed hard. This wasn't the first time he'd told someone the story, and he knew it wouldn't be the last.

"She died," he whispered, tears falling from his face. He had never cried in front of Dick, hell he'd only ever cried in front of Veronica, but he couldn't control it now.


	3. Chapter 3

Tiny fingers wrapped around hers, a calmness filling the room. She looked down at the perfect little being in her arms, so warm and so loving. The baby had her nose and lips, but everything else about her was Logan.

She held her daughter close, rocking her back and forth in her arms. Everything in that moment felt natural. It was right. It felt right until all of a sudden, it wasn't.

The infant let out a piercing cry, shattering everything that made Veronica _Veronica_. The scream continued, no matter how hard she tried to calm her baby. Not only did the cry get louder, in a way, it grew distant. Further and further away with each wail and soon, she couldn't find her child.

She heard the cry, but there was no baby in her arms. There was no baby in the room. _Where the hell did she go?_

Veronica searched and searched until she collapsed on the floor. The screams continued to echo in her head and the baby was nowhere to be found.

* * *

She was shaking, still trapped in her own mind as someone called out her name. They called her over and over and over until she eventually heard the sound of her father's voice, pulling her back to safety.

"Veronica!" Keith yelled, forcing her awake.

She jolted from her sleep, still haunted by her dream. She searched the room for a moment, half searching for her child, half trying to figure out where she was. Her body shook as she looked around, realizing she must have fallen asleep in the living room of her father's house.

"Sweetheart, are you okay?" her father asked, cradling his arms around her. Keith was worried about her. Ever since the baby died, she hadn't been the same not that he could expect her to be. He knew he wouldn't be the same if he ever lost her.

Veronica nodded, pushing herself off the couch, "I'm okay, Dad," she attempted to choke out, her voice breaking as tears pulled in her eyes. She wasn't okay. She didn't know how she would ever be okay again. "I just…I need to get out of the house for a while, I think."

"That's good," Keith replied. He looked down at his feet, knowing he shouldn't bring it up and said, "Maybe you should go see Logan."

"Maybe," she answered, grabbing her keys. She loved that her dad cared, but she couldn't see Logan. Every time she saw him, she saw the future her daughter would miss out on. That wasn't something she could handle.

* * *

He found her standing on the pier, her blonde hair flowing easily in the wind as she watched out over the water. All he wanted to do was hold her in his arms. He wanted to hold onto her and never let her go, but he couldn't move. He stood in one place, just watching.

Logan didn't know why he felt so nervous, he hadn't been that way around Veronica since college – or maybe even high school – but now, he was more scared than ever.

She didn't want to see him, he knew that. But still, he needed to see her. He needed to hear her voice, he needed to know she was alive and breathing, whether or not that meant she was okay. She wasn't okay, he wasn't okay. Nothing was okay and it probably never would be, but he had to try.

"Veronica," he said, taking a step towards her. She didn't move or look to see who was calling her. Logan had a feeling she had known he had been there the whole time.

"We were supposed to be a family," she said, still barely acknowledging his presence, "Right now, you should be yelling at me for taking the baby out on a case and I should be yelling back saying that I can be a mother and a PI at the same time."

Logan chuckled, "I would roll my eyes and you would say something like 'besides, she's a natural'."

"Yeah," she nodded, a small smile briefly flashing on her lips as she looked up at him.

For a moment, they watched each other, afraid to keep looking but afraid to look away. Logan brushed his hand softly over her shoulder. All he wanted to do was pull her into his arms and she wanted to be there. He took one step closer, looking into her eyes. She was broken, they were both broken, but he loved her.

He _needed_ her, now more than ever.

Veronica stood unmoving, allowing Logan to take another step closer. Before either of them realized it, he had his arms around her and she was clinging to him with everything she had. She felt safe and loved and most of all, she knew she could count on him.

"I love you, so much," Logan whispered against her hair, his voice shaking. He held her tighter, terrified to let go.

Hearing the pain and anger in his voice broke her and she let out a sob, pulling herself away from his chest. She loved him, she did, more than anything but she just could not bring herself to let him in.

"Veron-"

"I can't do this," she whispered, wiping the tears from her eyes. She dropped Logan's hand and quickly ran off until she was out of his sight.

Before Logan could take off after her, his phone rang.

_The hospital._


	4. Chapter 4

**Again, I apologize. The saddness just keeps on coming! It will get better, I PROMISE, it will. Just give me another chapter or so and everything will fall into place for the happiness to start. **

**Also, yes I do plan on bringing in other characters like Mac and Wallace VERY soon! **

**Again, thank you to my amazing beta for letting me force her to read this. Thank you, Anna!**

* * *

The room was too quiet, yet at the same time, it was too loud. Logan sat uncomfortably watching out the window as he waited for the doctor to arrive. He checked his watch. _9 am_. It felt like he had been here for an eternity and all he wanted to do was leave. He wanted to take off as fast as he could and run. Maybe he could run all the way to the air charter and rent a plane. He would fly far away from this place.

No.

He would run to Veronica. That was all he wanted, all he had ever wanted.

Just then, the door opened and the doctor walked in. He held a small stack of files in one hand and shook Logan's with the other.

"Hello, Mr. Echolls. It's good to see you," he said almost robotically.

"Can't say the same," Logan sighed, taking his seat once again. He looked at the doctor who nodded understandingly. The nod led to an awkward silence.

"So," the doctor started slowly, "Your wife – er – fiancé decided not to come today?"

Logan shook his head. He wished she would have come with him, this was something they needed to do together.

**_12 hours earlier…_**

Logan tapped lightly on the door, part of him hoping maybe, just maybe no one would hear him. That small part of him was disappointed when he heard the door being unlocked.

Keith Mars stood in the doorway, looking exhausted, "Logan, it's late," he sighed, "And I'm not exactly sure she wants to see you." Over the past year, Keith had become a bit more welcoming to Logan all things considered, but tonight was not the case.

Logan nodded. He completely understood why Veronica would want to be alone. That was how she grieved, she isolated herself, she had always done that. He needed her and knew that deep down, she needed him. She just couldn't handle that right now.

"I know," Logan nodded, "I actually came to ask you to do me a favor."

Keith looked at him curiously. He took a minute, studying the father of his late grandchild. When he looked at Logan, he no longer saw the messed up teenage boy or even the surprisingly mature lieutenant. He saw a broken man – more accurately, a broken father. He imagined the pain in Logan's eyes reflecting in his own if he had ever lost Veronica and nodded.

"Just tell her the hospital called and um," Logan struggled to speak, "They have the autopsy results on the baby. They said they called her a couple of times and she never answered, but they want us to come in tomorrow morning so they can explain them. Can you tell her? I'll come pick her up in the morning or we can meet there or I can go by myself. Either way, can you just let her know?"

"Of course," Keith answered, "I think she needs to know what happened, too."

"Thank you," Logan replied. He took a step back and began to turn around then stopped, "And Kei- Mr. Mars?"

"Yeah?"

"Can you tell Veronica that I love her?"

Keith nodded and stepped inside, not fully closing the door until Logan was in his car.

* * *

The doctor's words were a blur in Logan's mind. He didn't quite grasp what he had been told, not that he wanted to. The medical explanation of his baby's short life wasn't going to change anything. She would never learn to hold her head up, she would never celebrate her first birthday, she would never hold his hand, and _she would never get to hear Logan tell her how much he loved her._

After he left the hospital, he lost track of where he was going. The last thing he remembered was picturing a little girl, the most mischievous grin he'd ever seen, smiling at him. He pictured her looking just like her mother; blonde hair, tangling in the California breeze, blue eyes ripping out his heart with one glance in his direction. Their little girl would have been their entire world, he knew it from the second he heard her tiny heart beating. Maybe that's why he ended up on the doorstep of the Mars home, an emotional wreck.

* * *

She found him sitting on the stairs leading up to the front door, his head in his hands. She could tell he was just as hurt and broken as she was. The few inches between them felt like miles.

Silently, Veronica sat down next to Logan. Although he didn't look at her, she felt his body almost conform to hers, acknowledging that she was there.

"I'm sorry that I've been pushing you away," she whispered, sobs getting caught in her throat.

Logan stole a glance in her direction, his eyes softening as he pulled her into his arms. She fit perfectly and comfortably, just the way she always had.

"It's okay," Logan whispered, kissing her head, "We lost our—We've been through a lot, you had a reason to want to avoid me."

"No." Veronica fought back, making her voice soft, "No, I didn't. I shouldn't have pushed you away, Logan. She is—was your daughter too and I've been treating you like I'm the only one going through this."

"Veronica, you can say 'is'. She might not be here anymore, but she is our daughter and she always will be. You are her mother whether or not she's breathing and growing," he choked.

She felt Logan hold her closer as she let out a sob. He was right. That little girl would always be their baby, the person they made together, even if she wasn't here with them.

"You're right and I know that but Logan, you are her father and I treated you like you didn't matter and you do. You matter more than anyone in my life."

"You mean that?"

"Of course I do," she whispered, closing her eyes.

Logan turned to her, taking a deep breath. He watched her wipe her tears away as she tried to breathe through the sobs, "Then will you please, just please come home with me?"


	5. Chapter 5

**Seriously, thank you all for continuing to read and review this! I really appreciate it! As far as I know right now, this point in the story is essentially "rock bottom", it can't get any more painful than this, so that's good. Again, thank you guys for bearing with me through all the pain. **

**I've had a pretty laid back week with school, so chapters have been updated fairly quickly, which I'm glad about and if you think I update too frequently, please let me know because I want anyone who wants to be to be caught up with this. **

**And last comment; my whole point in this is for entertainment. I'm not bashing or trying to make any of the characters look bad. I'm only trying to make a point that based off of what I've seen in the show, this is how they would grieve (ex: Veronica would push the people she cares about the most away) so I'm in no way bashing the character, just making a point. So, feel free to state your opinions when you review, but try to refrain from disrespecting characters. Thank you! **

* * *

He regretted the words nearly the second the came out of his mouth. She looked at him, pain and fear washing across her face.

It was all too much for her right now. He knew that it would be too hard for both of them to jump right back into things only weeks after losing the baby. It was hard enough for him to walk past the room that was supposed to be baby Emma's nursery every day or to look in the backseat of his car where the carseat remained, strapped in and waiting, he didn't want her to have to go through that pain.

"Logan-" she started, "I just—I can't. It's not my home anymore."

It felt like a knife to the heart. A sharp blade twisty in his chest, sucking the air out of his lungs. The place where he promised to come back to her, the place where after those 180 days, he promised her forever, the place where they planned to raise their little girl was no longer her home.

Logan nodded as he tried not to let the tears drip from his brown eyes. She needed space, he understood that.

"Okay," he said, holding back his grief, "We don't have to go there then. We can go somewhere else, somewhere new. Just us, facing it all together."

Veronica bit her lip, holding back the tears as she looked up at the sky. She didn't speak for a moment as she allowed Logan's words to sink in.

"Logan," she whispered, avoiding his eyes, "I love you, I always will but right now, I can't do this. I'm not ready for this."

"For what?"

Veronica looked down at her hand, twisting the engagement ring on her left ring finger. Logan watched her as she played with it, observing the way she struggled to pull it off of her finger. She held it in her hand, looking at it as tears ran down her cheeks before she placed it carefully in his palm.

"No," he breathed, "No. I gave this ring to you. It's yours. You keep it. Please, Veronica, please."

**_8 months ago_**

He was planning on doing something special; maybe a nice dinner out on the beach or they could take a trip somewhere, anywhere. But this moment, this completely ordinary morning with her in his arms, felt right.

He rolled over, trying not to wake Veronica and grabbed the box out of his nightstand. Taking it in his hand, he grinned. He wanted this and he prayed that she did too.

"Why are you awake?" Veronica groaned just barely opening her eyes. She squinted, smiling when she noticed Logan propped up on his elbow, giving her that look that made her melt into a puddle.

He kissed her softly on the lips - the kind of kiss that was quick but stayed with you – and whispered, "I love you."

"Love you too," she laughed at his unexpected romantic gesture.

"No, Veronica, I love you. More than anything. More than I ever thought possible. I never believed _this_ existed, at least not until you saw through me all those years ago. It's always been you."

She looked at him confused, wondering where he was going with this.

Logan smiled and continued, "I guess, what I'm saying is that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Veronica," he said, holding the ring in front of her face, "Will you marry me?"

Flashes of shock, terror, and confusion flashed over her face and she whispered, "You know?"

"Know what?" Logan asked, now completely confused by her reply.

Before she could answer, Veronica was out of bed and heading straight towards the bathroom. Logan followed, but she slammed the door behind her and within seconds the sound of her getting sick flooded out into the hall.

When she opened the door, Logan was still standing there, waiting for her.

"Glad to know me proposing makes you sick," Logan chuckled as he tried to hide how hurt he was.

Veronica bit her lip, letting out a sigh, "No!" she gasped, "I wasn't- No, I didn't get sick because you asked me to marry you."

"Logan," she continued, "I'm pregnant."

He laughed, his voice shaking; half full of fear the other half full of excitement, "Wait, you're serious? We're having a-"

"Yeah," she whispered, trying to read him, "Well, I mean, we don't have to if you don't-"

Before she could finish her sentence about the possibility of not keeping it, he kissed her.

Veronica laughed through the kiss and asked, "You sure you wanna do that? My mouth probably tastes like puke."

Logan slowly pulled away, looking down at his petite girlfriend and pressing his forehead against hers. "Just a little," he laughed, kissing her again.

Veronica eventually pulled away and looked into his eyes. She twisted her arms around his neck and intertwined her fingers, "So, how do you feel?"

"Nervous. Excited. Terrified. But most of all, I just really love you," he answered, pulling the ring from his pocket.

Taking a step back, Logan got down on one knee and looked up at Veronica more loving than anyone had ever looked at her, "Will you, Veronica Mars, take me as yours for the rest of our lives?"

Tears filling her eyes, she nodded and he slipped the ring easily on her finger. It was absolutely perfect.

Logan stood up and stared into her eyes, gently moving the hair from her face.

There in that tiny bathroom, both of their lives changed forever.

_**(present)**_

He placed the ring back in her hand. When he gave it to her, he meant it. That ring meant forever and he wasn't about to give it up.

Veronica took it without arguing, but she didn't put it on.

"You should go," she whispered calmly. Her voice was numb. She curled her hand around the ring and refused to look at it any longer.

Logan only nodded and stepped off the porch, afraid that if he spoke, he would break.

He took a few steps down the path, realizing he hadn't done what he'd come here to do. He turned around, watching the woman he loved turn away and walk in the house.

"Veronica," he choked.

She looked back at him, her face red from tears, "Yeah?"

"Um, here," he said, handing her the file full of papers that the doctor had given to him, "The doctor gave me this…it's the autopsy report. I just thought you might want it."

She nodded and took the file then headed back inside, leaving Logan completely alone.

* * *

She slammed the bedroom door harder than she meant to and collapsed on the bed, sobs heaving from her chest. What had just happened?

The pain was all too much and she couldn't stop herself from sinking. She let the sobs consume her until she was out of tears.

Was this what her life was? Losing everyone she loved? She lost her best friend when she was fifteen; that was the beginning. Next, her mother walked out on her. Since then, she had lost too many people to count and now, well, now she hit rock bottom. She lost her daughter and Logan, the two most important people on that entire list. She really couldn't handle any more loss.


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey, guys! Thanks for all the favorites, follows, and reviews! I really appreciate it! Chapter 6 took a little while to be posted because it's twice as long as every other chapter since I had a lot of ground to cover. Also, we're finally out of the horribly heartbreaking stuff and getting somewhere with this. **

**Note: don't credit or judge any of my medical knowledge, it's like 10% 10th grade biology, 40% Google, 40% family background, and 10% me trying to sound professional. **

**So, thank you and enjoy! **

* * *

"Nine years of radio silence is enough for one couple, okay?" Mac said leaning against the kitchen counter, "You're not going another nine without speaking to him because if you do, you really will lose him forever and I don't think you want that."

"Mac-"

"She's right, Veronica," Wallace interrupted, "And I sure as hell didn't sit through twelve – or more – years of the Veronica/Logan soap opera for this."

Two weeks. It had been two weeks since Veronica and Logan had last spoke and at this point, the silence was deafening. This was the longest they had gone without saying a word to each other since she got that call asking for help almost 2 years ago.

"I can't deal with _us _right now. I just need to figure out what it means to be _me_," Veronica whispered. She curled her fingers around the ring Logan had given her, which now hung from a chain around her neck.

"I lost my baby and I don't know who I am anymore. I feel like I can't breathe, like the second she stopped breathing, so did I."

"You don't think Logan feels that way too?" Mac asked curiously.

"It's different," Veronica answered, knowing deep down that it wasn't.

Wallace looked at his best friend, almost afraid to speak, "V, no. It really isn't. She was his baby too."

The room grew uncomfortably silent as Wallace's words sunk in.

Logan loved the baby – Emma – their daughter, just as much as Veronica did. _He lost her too._ The way she was treating him wasn't fair. None of this was fair. If life was fair, Veronica and Logan would be home, together, completely sleep deprived but in love with their new baby girl. That's how it should be; mom, dad, and daughter growing as a family.

But no one ever said life was fair.

"Huh," Mac mumbled, breaking the silence as she glanced questioningly at the stack of papers she held in one hand.

Veronica turned away from Wallace and looked at her other friend, raising her eyebrows.

Mac looked at her and chuckled, "It would've been nice to know that you have one of the rarest blood types in the world, I mean considering how many stake outs we've been on together and everything."

"I thought your blood type was O+? That's not rare," Wallace commented, glancing back and forth between the two women.

"It is…and how do you know my blood type?" Veronica asked. She was already on her feet, headed straight towards Mac and more importantly the autopsy report that her friend was holding.

"Do you know how many files you had me look at in high school? It wasn't hard to sneak a peek at yours," Wallace answered, his voice quickly fading into the background.

"Not according to this," Mac replied as she handed Veronica the papers, "It says your blood type is AB-, also known as the rarest blood type in the world."

Veronica took the papers and studied them. Logan had given these to her weeks ago and she hadn't even thought to look at them. Normally, knowing her "need to know" personality, she would've reread every word on those documents a thousand times but considering the situation, she couldn't bring herself to open the file. That is, until now.

_'__**MARS, VERONICA.**_

**_BLOOD TYPE_**_: AB-, _

**_RHESUS (Rh) FACTOR_**_: NEGATIVE' _they read.

She shook her head, "None of this is right."

"Maybe that's Logan's blood type?" someone in the room suggested, Veronica didn't hear who said it; she was too distracted by the confusion ringing in her ears.

"No, Logan's is A+. He's been in enough accidents and fights for me to be one hundred percent positive about that. Plus, the hospital had no reason to ask about his blood type because he wasn't carrying the baby. The only thing they needed to know about blood was my Rh factor, which is positive."

Veronica stared at the report, reading every single word. She stopped when she got to the most important line.

**_'SUMMARY: _**_According to our official results, Baby Girl Mars Echolls was stillborn due to the rejection of a negative Rhesus blood type.'_

Veronica stood in complete silence, her mouth hanging open from the shock of the statements in this report. How had Logan not caught this? _Stillborn_? He heard the baby cry, he saw her moving and crying with his own eyes.

"Logan heard her cry," she whispered, unable to tear her eyes away from the page.

"Maybe he lied to protect you…" Wallace said, sensitively glancing at her.

"No. No, he wouldn't lie to me. Not even to protect me."

"But he-"

"No." she snapped. She knew she was right. After everything they had been through, she knew she could trust him. They were grownups; she could count on him to tell her the truth no matter what. He wouldn't lie to her, especially after the nine years apart the last lie he had ever told her caused.

"Mac, Wallace, you may not believe him or even me, but I do. Logan heard her—he heard the baby cry when she was born. I saw- I saw it torture him every time he closed his eyes. He heard her, she was alive. My baby girl was not stillborn."

"So…" Mac asked slowly, "What do you think? What do you think happened?"

"I don't know. There are so many mistakes and so many…lies. But you know what I do know? I'm going to find out what really happened to my daughter."

* * *

_"No! It's really a bump this time, not a food baby!" Veronica laughed, Logan pulling her onto the bed and kissing her through their giggles._

_"Okay, well it's about time that kid of ours showed herself."_

_"Herself?" she questioned, giving him that look._

_"Yeah, what, you think it's a boy?"_

_"Well, I don't know. I feel like it is, I guess. A little you." _

_"A little me? Oh god, between our genes, this kid is gonna give us a run for our money."_

_"Payback for the hell we put our parents through, huh?"_

_"And for the hell they put us through too," he had joked, rolling his eyes at the thought of the pitiful examples he had as parents. _

_Veronica laughed as she placed her hand over her abdomen, "Okay, but you have to admit, this time it's a real bump. It has nothing to do with food because I haven't even eaten yet." _

_"True. Okay, I'll make you something but before that, since this is the real thing, we have to document it."_

_"Logan, no. No pictures. PLEASE." _

_"Come on, amuse me. We don't want our kid to think that we didn't care about the first time it decided to show itself and be bigger than a blueberry."_

_Veronica rolled her eyes and grumbled, "Fine." _

_She climbed from the bed and stood in front of him as he held out his phone. Almost automatically, her hand hovered over her little bump, gently settling. Veronica looked down, tears filling her eyes as she felt it. _

_The bump felt so natural yet so abnormal. There was a life inside of her, a person growing. Someone who would give her and Logan all the hell and happiness they deserved. She had no idea she could love this thing – this kid – so much already. _

_Veronica didn't notice Logan take the picture. Instead, she stood in awe of the thing inside of her that had somehow managed to go from the size of a blueberry to something big enough to bulge from her stomach. This thing would soon be big enough to exist in the world. This thing would someday be as grown up as her and Logan. So this is what her father thought of every time he looked at her._

_She looked at Logan who was smiling at the picture on his phone. She didn't know if he'd even realized how captivated she had been by their tiny bump of a baby, which was probably a good thing because she was already embarrassed enough. _

_"I'm pregnant," she whispered, trying to hold back her tears._

_Logan looked up from his phone and grinned, "I can tell."_

* * *

The memory echoed in his head as he stared at the picture. She had been wearing one of his t-shirts – the same t-shirt she chose every time, even when they were teenagers. It made it impossible for him to ever let it go, no matter how beat up and old it became.

Her hand was placed softly on the bump, so mesmerized by the little person inside of it. That was the moment everything became_ real_. She hadn't thought he'd noticed it, but he did. He noticed everything.

"Lieutenant Echolls," a familiar voice called from behind, interrupting the memory.

"Captain Bowin," Logan nodded in his direction.

"I told you, call me Peter," the military man chuckled. He shook Logan's hand and settle next to him on the bench.

"So, you want to re-enlist?" Peter asked, stealing a concerned glance in Logan's direction.

"I'm thinking about it."

Logan looked down at his hands, realizing that he was squeezing his firsts together. The only noise interrupting the passing moments was the sound of a seagull flying easily overhead.

Peter finally spoke up, looking Logan straight in the face, "You can't run away from your problems, Logan. That's not how things work."

Logan nodded, taking the older man's words into consideration, "I know and I'm not. I guess I just need a change, some stability. Things have been so crazy; I guess I just need something to rely on for a change."

"Look, Logan, you're an asset to us, but not like this. You just lost your child and that's not something you can escape. The navy isn't going to make any of this any easier. Trust me."

"I'm not running away, okay. Running away would mean I had something to run from and I have nothing here, not anymore."

"So, this is about Veronica."

"No," Logan snapped, "This is about me wanting to fight for my country. I want to help."

"You want to do what you couldn't do for your daughter," the man analyzed.

Logan said nothing, but his silence was all too telling.

"I lost a kid too, you know," Peter admitted, looking towards Logan for a reaction. The younger man seemed to be paying attention.

"My kid, Jasper. I remember it like it was yesterday."

"What happened," Logan asked, now concerned himself.

"I was overseas, fighting in the same war we're fighting today and I get this message. It's urgent, telling me I need to head back to base. So I go and when I get there, some doctor is on the phone telling me I need to get back home because my five year old's got less than a week to live. I go. I travel all the way home in thirty two hours and I get to the hospital five minutes before my kid dies in my arms. I barely got there in time to hear him tell me he loves me.

"I blamed myself. I tried to leave, I tried to run and my marriage suffered from it. We tore each other apart and we grew distant until we lost everything."

"I thought you were married," Logan wondered aloud.

"We are; we got through it. We got through it because a mentor of mine gave me the same advice I'm giving to you now. Don't trade your personal battle for the world's. In the end, the people you leave behind are the ones who matter, Logan."

Logan nodded, looking back at the picture on his phone, "I don't know. Enlisting changed me, it made me grow up. The Navy was good for me."

"It was good for you until she was better," Captain Peter Bowin replied sternly. With that, he was on his feet, leaving Logan alone with his thoughts.

He was right. Logan was a grown man, not a kid anymore. He couldn't take off because there was an issue. He had to fight. He had to fight for _her_.


	7. Chapter 7

**AN: Hey, guys! Sorry it's been so long since I updated, I've been super busy with family stuff, school, prom, being sick, and what I like to call stress induced writers block (if you follow me on twitter, you know because I've been complaining about it). But anyway, the last week of school is now upon me, so starting the end of next week, updates should be pretty regular like they were before. Thanks for putting up with the wait! **

**Also, thanks to my amazing betas Anna and Gabby! **

**Enjoy!**

* * *

Veronica had been staring at the paper for hours, trying to absorb it all. She hadn't even noticed that Mac and Wallace had left, or that it was well past midnight now. All she knew was that _nothing_ made sense.

She remembered enough from high school biology to know that when the punnett square was all sorted out, there was no way that she and Logan's blood types – A and O – could create child with a B blood type. It was simply impossible. Another thing she was positive was impossible, was that Logan had lied to her about hearing the baby cry. _She knew him_. Even after those long nine years apart, she had been able to read him and things hadn't changed in the last two. The moment he told her what had happened, the honesty in his eyes had never been clearer.

Veronica ran over the scenarios in her mind, each one just as questionable as the next. Someone could've screwed up the report, but was it even possible for a lab to mess up _this_ badly? Maybe the reports had accidentally been switched with another newborn's, but why would her name and contact information be all over someone else's report? Maybe the hospital was trying to cover up the baby's death, but on the other hand, what went wrong in the first place? When the most shocking scenario entered her mind, she tried to push it away, but it was there, staring her in the face.

_What if my baby is still alive? _She thought, struggling to force it away.

No. Her daughter wasn't alive. She hadn't been sold or kidnapped; those were things that only happened in the movies and this was real life. Her baby was gone and that was a reality she had to accept.

Despite her attempts to make them stop, the thoughts continued to race through her mind.

_What if? None of this report made sense, so what if her and Logan's daughter was alive? Who wouldn't want to kidnap – or even sell – the product of an Echolls? _She knew there were people out there who would pay big bucks to exploit a child with the Aaron and Lynn Echolls DNA running through its veins; people had tried that with Logan and even his adopted sister Trina their entire lives._ But if someone wanted to kidnap the baby to exploit it, wouldn't they have made a move already? Asked for ransom? Shown their prize to the world in a Lion King type fashion? _

As she continued to ponder that theory, other theories began to make sense. Veronica, Logan, and even her father had a lot of enemies and she didn't put it past the people of Neptune to act out in such reckless ways; even if that included kidnapping an innocent newborn. But then again, hiding a newborn in Neptune was going to be pretty difficult. How do you hide a screaming child from the nosiest people in all of California?

Before she let herself get her hopes up, she tried to shut down the thought of her daughter being out there and began to focus on one thing; the doctor who delivered her baby. He would be the one to know what happened, right?

* * *

By the time 2am rolled around, Veronica had done all the possible research on this "Dr. Blaire" that she could find. It wasn't much; all she had learned was that he had what seemed to be a normal childhood, graduated from the University of Chicago, spent his internship and residency at a hospital there, until he received a fellowship at the hospital in Neptune where he now worked. After that his life had been, well, normal as far as Neptune standards. He married a down to earth actress, someone that had graduated from Neptune High during Veronica's sophomore year, and had a couple of kids. He seemed like an altogether good guy, at least from what Veronica could tell. _Why would a guy like him need to cover up what happened to her baby? _She figured she would have Mac do some more digging at the PI office the next day, hopefully she could find some dirt on this guy.

Oblivious to the late hour, she continued scrolling aimlessly. Article after article, nothing changed until suddenly, Veronica stopped. She couldn't quite grasp why until she looked a little harder at the bolded link starring her straight in the face.

**_Neptune resident Della Pugh reunites with long lost brother, Dr. Charles Blaire. _**

"What?" Veronica thought aloud, opening the link and reading the words closely.

A picture stood out among everything. A young girl, someone who Veronica instantly recognized as Bonnie Deville's biggest fangirl who spent more of her life than she'd probably admit crushing on Logan, Della Pugh. Della had her arm wrapped around a taller man, whom Veronica recognized as Dr. Blaire's shoulders. They both smiled the exact same grin, a grin that was almost creepy and devious. The caption under the picture read: _Just months ago, Blaire (left) discovered his biological family, learning that his very own sister, Pugh (right), lives in the same town to which he currently resides. Both brother and sister are overjoyed to have each other, Pugh welcoming her long lost brother, his wife, and two sons into her life. Congratulations, Della and Charles! _

Veronica stared at the screen in shock. Della – who, after finding out Veronica and Logan had reconciled after nine years, made it clear to Veronica that she would pay for keeping Logan from her – was the younger sister of the doctor that had delivered and messed up the paperwork on her daughter? Could that be a coincidence? Or did it mean what she thought it meant?

Before she could think any further, her mind flashed to another scene, instantly recovering something she had forgotten.

* * *

_"What the hell are you doing in my house?" Veronica asked, standing in the doorway of her unborn baby's nursery. _

_The girl whom she now recognized as Della Pugh stood in front of her, jealous raging in her eyes. She looked at Veronica and sneered, "I told you, I always get revenge."_

_It all went so fast, Veronica fighting her off, or at least trying to but her swollen belly made it hard. The girl hit her in the back of the head, knocking her to the ground as pain shot through her abdomen. Checking her hand, she realized she was now laying in a pool of blood, Pugh standing over her. _

_Trying not to show her fear, Veronica attempted to pull herself up, making the pain worse. It was blinding as it shot through her, pulling her deeply into unconsciousness. _

* * *

Veronica stood in shock, tears threating to crash to the surface, her hand clutching her phone. She dialed his number without realizing it, but she couldn't stop now. She needed _him_.


End file.
